Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
