Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
