You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
