You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
