I'm drive I can fine osifer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
