i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
