the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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