So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
