He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
