a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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