I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
