I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
