no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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