im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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