a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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