She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
