Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize