when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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