Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
