I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The best revenge is premature balding
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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