what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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