That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
