So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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