Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
