My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
