NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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