look no pants
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
