Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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