If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The air taste purple.
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