Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
how drunk are you?
Several
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
