Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
