my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
