I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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