I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sarcasm needs its own font
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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