Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
