I just made out with a guy for $7.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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