Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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