As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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