He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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