that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
