he puts the penis in happiness.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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