Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
