ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have post one night stand depression
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
