I don't think brook has ever known best
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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