Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
