new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the day after is always just damage control
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
