he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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