the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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