I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
