Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He did a backflip because drugs
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