just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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