I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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