I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
