There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
