Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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